Feeling OK day to day

We are still waiting for the biopsy results, and the subsequent meeting with Dr. Munos that will be scheduled this week. The medication does a good job of keeping pain away, but it still keeps me very jittery and I have difficulty sleeping. Since the surgery I have had only small side effects. I had some problem with seeing weird visual artifacts and what felt like muscle spasms in my left eye. This only happened twice for a couple minutes, but I will still bring it up with the doctor. As before the surgery, I still cannot make it through the day without getting mentally exhausted and a bit confused. I have been waking up at 6am or so, and by 2pm I need some quite time. So not much hard news, I thought I would share some of the emotional aspects today....

One thing that I have observed is a decrease in my feeling of urgency doing daily activities. Holly, Anthony and I went to Culvers (one of my favs) yesterday for lunch. Usually I would be prodding my companions, 'do you know what you want yet', 'are you done eating?', 'ok, lets scram'. I would push the schedule to get in and out as soon as possible, even though we are not really in a hurry for anything. This attitude has turned into a passive interest in the activities around me where I can peacefully wait for things to happen rather than using my usual cattle prod to make'em happen. This must be much more pleasant for those around me.

The outpouring of support from friends and family is inspiring. On the surface this tumor episode is a very serious and unfortunate event, but it is having very positive effects on the bonds and relationships of the people around me. This event has acted like a spark for people to put aside the hectic details of their life and reconnect with ones they love. Its a pretty callous and impersonal world we live in these days, and we are constantly being bombarded by bad news. It seems like the world relentlessly tries to push each of us into a lonely, fearsome dark place. Then an event like this happens, and people turn their attention to their family and friends. I see loved ones reaching out daily to help each of us build a better atmosphere, establishing circles of support to keep the evils of the world at bay. It would be great if there was a way to accomplish all this without me getting a tumor, but that is kinda selfish :). Well, I hope this made some sense to you. Perhaps you could pick up the phone today and connect with a loved one that may have drifted away before some adversity pushes you to do so.