1 Yr MRI 'Stable'

My tumors' birthday is coming up. It was on September 9, 2010 when I had my first MRI and found out my brain buddy. Actually, we don't know when it was born, so lets call it an anniversary.
Here is the blog entry from that day:
http://edslas.blogspot.com/2010/11/first-mri.html

Anyway, my oncologist said the MRI yesterday was 'stable', as far as they can tell. The visit to the cancer mill almost went off without a hitch....except they forgot to take my vitals before seeing the doctor. I should have kept my mouth shut and saved 10 minutes.

The only thing I talked to the doctor about was my lack of stamina. I have been having a real hard time making it through the day. After a couple hours at work, my eyes feel like they are going cross-eyed and the fog I've been talking about settles over my head.

The doctor said that I can try Provigil (100mg/day). I have been hesitant to  take on any 'sustaining' medications, but this is getting out of control. I hope it helps. He then said the insurance was probably not going to cover it, and if it doesn't, go to Canada. So I was not surprised to get a call from the pharmacy saying one of my prescriptions was having insurance issues. I called the pharmacy and they said the Provigil was ready, but the Temodar (Chemotherapy) was denied by the insurance company. Ahhh, the fight continues.

Half way through Chemo, Monkeys, and Fog!

I finished the 6th month of Chemo last week. Nothing out of the ordinary, I think I have the pattern figured out. The next follow up MRI is at the end of the month, I am really not expecting any dramatic news. The oncologist flips between measuring progress with MRI's and 'symptom based treatment' depending on what questions I ask. My symptoms are pretty stable, so I am expecting a stable MRI.

I have been having a hard time dealing with daily life. The exhaustion and constant headaches are starting to wear on me. I can can handle being tired and having a headache for a couple days, a week, a couple weeks, a couple months....but only having a few good days over 6 months sucks monkey balls. I know there are monkey ball advocate groups out there who are going to chastise me, but my patience is wearing thin. Holly and the kids, I am sorry when this boil over. I try my best to keep my cool.

A fog has settled over my previously clear mind and I have lost some confidence. Throughout my career I have held some management responsibility, usually without any authority. I learned early on that authority is demeaned if you work hard at understanding everything that is going on, what needs to be done, and know who you are working with. If you have understanding, vision, and friends, you do not need authority. The fog settling over my mind is hampering two of these ingredients. This is unsettling. I have little relief on my responsibilities as a husband and a father. I hope I can hold out until this Chemo fog passes and I can get back to kickin' but.