New Normal

Greetings,
My last MRI in April was 'unremarkable', which is a good thing in radiologist-speak. I find it interesting that these every 3 months serial readings are usually only compared to the last MRI. Both times I had a re-occurrence  The radiologist said, well we went back a year and there were remarkable changes... The images are so much different after the surgery it is difficult to compare earlier than that. So far, so good. Don't ask, don't tell and everyone is happy.

My blood counts are still low. My oncologist suggested that my immune system may have been permanently damaged, but I am not getting sick (infections) - so no need to worry. Well I did any way and had a battery of tests done to make sure that there was not some other explanation for the low counts and my general daily exhaustion. Nothing turned up, so I'm accepting that this is my 'new normal'. Don't Worry, Be Happy.

For the most part I have been feeling pretty good. I still get these major spells where I can't operate for days. During these spells, my left eye socket feels as if is missing, the inside of my head feels as if it is warping or being twisted. I can't comprehend reading material - I can read the words, but can't grasp what the sequence of them means. I am aware that this is happening and will usually spend most of the day in bed. Laying there, my body feels as if detaches from my mind. Its an odd state where if I want to move, like say roll over, I don't know how because I'm not aware of my body. No muscles to tell what to do. I can eventually talk myself into bringing the awareness back so I can get up. Again, these are spells. They last a couple days, then I am back to my new Normal. The thought of one day getting stuck in this state is very frightening and saddening. I teared up yesterday thinking about this as I just came off a spell.

I have still been keeping my mind busy with investigation into new (to me) technology in software. I probably spend too much time doing this mental exercise, but I can't just sit idle - that's not in my DNA. I guess I am also still holding on to a thread of hope I will be able to go back to work someday. My physical exercise is coming from cooking, cleaning and some yard work. I need to do something more substantial.

Next MRI in July after my 51st Birthday. Come November, this will be 8 years living/fighting with this Brain Tumor.

Have a nice Summer,
Ed