Last chemo cycle delayed

Hello all,
I found out on Friday at the oncologist's office that my last chemo cycle had to be delayed. One of my blood count readings, platelets, had fallen too low.  Its supposed to be 140 - 400, and the results over each cycle have gone from 199 down to 72 today. The reading has not gone UP over this time, I wonder how long its is going to take for my body to recover to get the last cycle started.  Holding off the next cycle was mixed news for me. On one hand, I have been feeling so horrible that I was dreading starting another cycle. Each cycle has gotten progressively worse. The 3-week 'off time' in the cycle is no longer a relief, I now feel miserable every day. On the other hand, I wanted to get this over with.

One twinkle in this dark cloud of chemotherapy is that I lost over 20 pounds since I started in December. I am almost back at my weight from high school. I did not loose any weight when I was on the Temodar chemo for 19 months, but consider I was also working full time. Unfortunately none of my clothes fit anymore. My pants are usually hanging off my ass, but I think this is in style these days.

I also talked with the social worker at the cancer center about the possibility of going back to work. She cautioned against this idea sighting that she sees a lot of men in my position push to get back to work because they are trying to get back to their 'normal life'. She says 'Normal life' has changed after the cancer progressed. There is a reason why social security deems this a permanent disability. The disease almost always continues to progress, putting me right back where I am today with more surgery and treatment. She says to enjoy life, nobody ever looks back and wishes they worked more.

This perspective was a breath of fresh air as it lifted a lot of worries about going back to work. I have shown that I can muddle through some technical tasks, but I find myself dazed and confused a lot. My son pointed out the other day that I was scaring him when I could not figure out a problem he was showing me from school. I was not confused trying to solve the problem, rather just trying to understand what the problem was. Several unspoken instances like this have occurred, all adding to my doubt that I would be able to perform in the professional world. It seems that I cannot keep things strait anymore, not only in the sense of is that picture hanging strait, but logically keeping and being able to use associations in my head. After I spoke to the social worker, I spoke briefly with the APN at the oncologist office. She said that they would consider me disabled from here on out. So for now I am going to stop worrying about going back to work and concentrate on my health and happiness.

While I was talking to the APN about my constant state 'misery', she suggested that I try taking 2mg of Decadron in the morning. I'll give this a shot, but frankly, I am sick of chasing problems with drugs. One of my face book cancer group friends has a blog, Brain new beginning, where she describes doing a detox. Sounds like a good idea to me.


My next MRI is in October, I'll update you then.