Sunday, May 6, 2012
How can I tell if I loose my Judgement?
One of the more disturbing symptoms of brain tumors is 'loss of judgement'. Seeing Brain Tumors are a degenerative disease, I am always on the lookout for new symptoms as an indicator that the tumor is progressing. Physical things like numbness, loss of vision, weakness are easy to recognize. I take a look at mt left hand daily to make sure I recognize it as mine. Psychological symptoms are another story. It scares me because I don't think people realize when they are loosing it. I do a lot of reading on message boards and blogs of fellow BT survivors, and I occasionally see messages that are obviously not constructed properly, like "du,..um in blay, cot". The author probably thought what they wrote made total sense.
At work, I make a habit of reading messages I send to make sure they are what I intend to say. I get interrupted a lot, so I always double check before I hit send. The other day I noticed a message I sent:
"some 096-9XXX files don’t habe the .ini file attached. I recall they are stored somewhere on G:\, con you point me there?"
"con", "habe" Are obviously not correct. How could I mess up such a simple message? "I" was probably not there what I hit send.
Personality changes are another symptom of BT's. I have consciously made some personality changes. The prospect of having your life cut short changes your outlook on life. In some situations I now take a 'I don't care' position. Living with almost constant pain also makes me short-wicked. But there are some things that happen that I don't understand. I relationship at work has fallen apart to the point where a co-worker will not communicate with me. I pride myself on my ability to get along with everybody. I gave him an general apology for what might have caused this, but still nothing. I worry about being discriminated against because I have a BT. Do people think that I can't perform engineering tasks because I have a BT, and just write me off? "I" think I can do my job, but I'm not 100% sure who I am anymore. Perhaps it's 99%, like a crack in the dam.
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I am not an expert in mental health issues but do you think you are more unsure of yourself because you think that with a BT you would have deficits in cognitive ability? I don't think that is true. A neuroscience researcher told me that the brain has alot of plasticity and the more you do challenging tasks the more you will recover brain function. She had suggested doing crossword puzzles and learn a new skill like a language. My husband was very depressed with his diagnosis. He saw a psychologist to resolve some of his issues and it did help alot. Hope this helps. You are doing well-concentrate on the positive.
ReplyDeleteYou are one of the good Team Leaders that I had the pleasure to work with. You are a good person and smart. You should never doubt yourself. Don't worry about having to read your emails before sending. I, and probably a lot of others, do that too. Take care.
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