Honesty and lack of it.

One of the most important life advice my late mother blessed me with is Honesty. She would often say, "I don't care what you do, just be honest about it!". This has served me well for the majority of my life. Honesty eliminates the stress of having to keep track of who you told what lies and the embarrassment when you get caught in one. Honesty gives me joy in that I prevented someones sorrow when I return their lost valuables. Most importantly, I feel my honesty makes me a better person, it makes me proud to be me. In a roundabout way, "I don't care what you do, just be honest about it" keeps one from doing bad things to start with. Pretty sneaky Mom.

Am I honest about everything? No. Most popular for me is the case of deception by omission, aka secrets.  Secret indulgences. Secret disdain for others. Secret opinions. Some times there is no harm in holding back such realities, sometimes it's downright insulting, sometimes harmful, sometimes embarrassing. Honesty is often not the best policy, but better described as a guiding approach to managing my life.

So whats my view of honesty got to do with this blog? Well, I can't be honest in all I write or more often what I hide by omission. I often struggle internally when making these blog entries because I am not being 100% honest. I occasionally reveal too much and catch flack. I always am editing my thoughts as to what is the most PC. This leads me to the problem of understanding the point in writing this blog about my cancer journey if I cannot be 100% honest. This blog is not fiction. This is not an essay intended wholly to inspire others. It is intended to be a documentation of the facts, both practical and emotional. I often go back and read past posts to remind me where I have been, but unfortunately what I omit is forever lost and unaddressed. I have considered starting a second, anonymous blog where I can express the true reality of my journey. Know that this version of the blog is not the whole story. It's composed of what I can relate to keep others informed and inspired without being insulting, harmful, or embarrassing. Each of these drawbacks are nebulous, having different meanings for different people. I can't comprehend all the possible ways my words will be interpreted. If I fall short in this aspiration, please forgive me as I put a lot of thought behind the balance of honesty and reality.


Thanks for understanding,
 -Ed